Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
