Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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