So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
