she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
