i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
