i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
