dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Small penises have feelings too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
