just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
