i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
