don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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