My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
