How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
