margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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