I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
