YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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