When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
