Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
