We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
