Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
