I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
