Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
