____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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