at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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