so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
