There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
