I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
cat food counts as protein by the way
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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