I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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