Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
