I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
