I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
