Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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