bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
