she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
