yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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