I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
