It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
