I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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