Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
