i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
