No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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