she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
