I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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