Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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