i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
