He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
