Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
