At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
