She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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