his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Terrible idea I love it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
