I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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