I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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