I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
