You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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