He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
