I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
