so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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