Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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